On the bottom of the wheel...

Dear Bloggie,

It seems so long I didn't have to turn to you to express the feeling of upsets. For this time I just can't help it again. I can feel that my world is very very dark, empty...with no one I could turn to. People around just as realistic and turning away. It is just so sick the feeling. The time around during the month of December has always something that used to meant so much to me. It was once felt the greatest and also once felt the ever so loneliest in this period of year. Sometimes, I just wish to be a norm...to go through normal things, normal life and things could be just, if not smooth, for at least it is pleasant for everyone. It just felt that I've lost the determination to carry on...feeling so sick to even get up and live..this heart is just so tasteless and not going to fight for anything already...

Unbroken Silent

Completed Heart..Defeated Heart...Defeated Heart

It's the kind that doesn't seem likely to die
The kind of pain that cannot be spoken
The kind that rips you apart from the inside
With a silence that cannot be broken
When you look at the things that gave you passion to fight
Now your heart wears the scars like a token
And it hurts to the point that the tears burn your eyes
When you think of how you once hoped and
What you hoped for was never meant to be
If you were never to be mine, why did He bring you to me?
Why did He make me the kind to feel intensely?
When He knew that it would lead to nothing ultimately?
It's the kind that breaks all the ties that you bind
All that cultivated trust - unwoven
It's the kind that makes you paint over the truth with the lies
Fill the gaping holes - your heart looks whole again . . .
3 times shattered - maybe I should have known then
That the fact is that I am undeserving
When he broke my heart first - yes - all the truth was shown then
That my heart would be in constant yearning
For something more than just a ray of light then
A little more to keep that fire burning
I would always be a fool for this thing called love then
When the truth is I could never be that girl
Who could survive a million to be strong for the one
Who could stand up and keep fighting in the face of a blazing gun
The girl who still believes even when she's alone -
Why fight for this feeling when I'd rather be numb?
I have no fight left in me - my faith is now spent
Faded to nothing - spirit can't be woken

The pasts have taught me good lessons. That's why I will always want someone that loves me more. But, it is just so foolish thing to want right?

A Creed to Live by. . .

Don’t undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others,

It is because we are different that each of us is special.

Don’t set your goals by what other people deem important,

Only you know what is best for you.

Don’t take for granted the things closest to your heart

Cling to that as you would your life, for without them life is meaningless.

Don’t let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past or the future.

By living your life one day at a time, you live all the days of your life.

Don’t give up when you still have something to give

Nothing is really over … until the moment you stop trying.

Don’t be afraid to admit that you are less than perfect,

It is the fragile thread that binds us to each other.

Don’t be afraid to encounter risks,

It is by taking chances that we learn how to be brave.

Don’t shut love out of your life by saying it’s impossible to find.

The quickest way to receive love is to give love.

The fastest way to lose love is to hold on too tightly,

And the best way to keep love is to give it wings.

Don’t dismiss your Dreams. To be without dreams is to be without hope.

To be without hope is to be without purpose.

Don’t run through life so fast that you forget where you’ve been,

But also know where you’re going.

Life is not a race, but a journey to be savored every step of the way.

(Anonymous)

Obstacles in the Path

In ancient times, a king had a boulder placed on a roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if anyone would remove the huge rock. Some of the king’s wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by and simply walked around it.

Many loudly blamed the king for not keeping the roads clear, but none did anything about getting the big stone out of the way.

Then came along a peasant carrying a load of vegetables. On approaching the boulder, the peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the stone to the side of the road. After much pushing and straining, he finally succeeded. As the peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed a purse lying in the road where the boulder had been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note from the king indicating that the gold was for the person who removed the boulder from the roadway.

The peasant learned what many others never understand: Every obstacle presents an opportunity.

Every obstacles were a test for you to be a stronger human. Never be afraid of hardship nor constantly complaint. Roll your sleeves, dirty your hands, yield all your energy to perform the responsibilities and everything that comes.....

. . .cont

Darling my love...

Happy Birthday! ! !

The exact one year ago, I still have some vivid memories of how dark and bad things were. Anyway, that was a year ago...things change, people change, undeniably, fate changes. The most important that I have you now to walk through the path with me for the rest of my life, and nothing would change for that I knew you'll never walk away. In fact, you love me deeper and more each day that passes...It is something beyond words that I could describe nor anything replaceble with material or physical thing. Perhaps, is the heart, the attachment and commitment that could be the panacea. This year around, I'm grateful to have you, and how life turns out to be brighter with you by my side ever since. We're still a complete lost soul a year ago and how a stranger of you to me. In whatever that had happened, or whichever things that can't be change in the past, we will just leaved it behind, it doesn't really matter anyway and everything is easy now because I have you here...Wonderful birthday to you and all the best that comes in the coming days and years.

I Love You~~~

=)))

Clean. Satisfied. Responsible fulfilled.

Is Friday once again of the weekly cycle. Pulled myself up early from bed for at the minimum I can get some jobs done. Else, I just felt like a useless stick in this very special semester of studies for just spending the time on nothing other than mere sleeping and idling. Completely waste of time and zero return of revenue. At least, I felt tad better for keeping the space clean and tidy and felt less like a parasite.

"We Are One"


Two very different people
too scared to get along
Till two hearts beat together
underneath one sun...

One very special moment
can turn a destiny...
And what some would say
could never change..
has changed for you and me...

Cause it's all...
It's all in the way
you look through your eyes...
and when all is said and done...
All of the fear and all of the lies are
not hard to overcome...
It's all in the way you look at it
that makes you STRONG...
We were two...
now we are ONE...

We are two very different people
so much to overcome...
So why care for one another
when there's so much to be done...

Cause sometimes it's necessary
just look how far we've come
You could say that
it's the end
or a new TALE has begun...

Cause it's all...
It's all in the way
you look through your eyes
and when all is said and done...
All of the fear
and all of the lies are
not hard to overcome...
It's all in the way you look at it
that makes you STRONG...
We were two
now we are ONE...

One moment in time
is all the time we need...
Just to make a difference
to make it better for you and for me...
If you just BELIEVE...

Just open your eyes...

Cause it's all in the way you
look through your eyes
and when all is said and done...
All of the fear and all of the lies are
not hard to overcome...
It's all in the way you look at it
that makes you STRONG...
We were two
now we are ONE...