L-O-S-T

I found myself not the usual self I am just like few years back. I used to be a happy just go and lucky type of person and just work hard for the goals and knew well what responsibilities that I have to fulfill. But now, I felt I'm so useless timid and such a coward in facing any problems and reality and in this interval, I found myself to be so so so so fragile. I don't even know where is the last time the spirit of never never ever give up of me?? Where it had disappear within me? Where it had gone? I'm giving up so easily now. Including giving up myself. I hurt myself and doing things which I'm not suppose to. I hated what I'm going through so much that I just anesthetic myself with foods...lots of it...till I can't feel being myself...and just hide in the dark crying over it crying for the guilt I felt. Maybe I'm hurt too much or I can't accept the reality that I can't be normal or probably food will just made me feel better for a second and the next will make me hate myself so much. Day by day now, as I look in the mirror, the reflection shows someone that I hate to see so much. I don't know why. Is like feeling so suffocated could not breath at all. I can't explain. I just want to be normal and I tried to change but I'll still walked on the same path over and over again. I changed to someone that can't accept myself and I don't even know why I'll felt that way...I wonder where is the me that used to give inspiration and motivation to others? Where was her now? What is left now is the one that only hide, express herself in this little blog.....