Miss Vs. Love

I thought that I could completely forget about you. But I could not. Being in this situation of nowhere to be in, I just wish you are here. I wish you are here to hug me tightly...to cuddle me...and wrapped me in the warm of your arms. I just miss you being my cure for the rough days I have to get through and the comfortable massage that you'll give me when I said I'm tired...and the words of comfort that bring the best out in me...and of course I will never forget of how the way you would tickled me so that I'll be laughing away...and how silly and mischievous of me for some revenge on you..and how we felt so comfortable being at each other's side despite the pressure you are in...somehow, there were the attachment that I can't describe in between us...I just felt comfortable having you in my sight and how serene you felt when I'm around... I just miss you so much...still...after all. I miss you...but does that mean I still love you? or probably I just miss you and hate you? Is just too deep that I can't pull myself out and it still hurt me so badly. Listening to those songs, would always remind me of you and the times that we had shared although is short. I have nothing left..no matter how much I cried till I can't cry now...things are no longer going to be the same and it won't return me our time. Nothing I can do. Nothing. No matter how much I thought I could forget about you gradually, I still can't completely yet. I miss you for everything that I do, I just wish you are here by me....by my side. I knew that no one could actually replaced you and the sparks that had happened in between us...you were the best thing that had happened to me...and you are also the best thing that never happen to me ever again.......

*just need to talk a little...so I'll felt better with all the stress and rough days...

Remembering Psoriasis

29 th October ~ In Honor of the World Psoriasis Day

World Psoriasis Day is an annual day specially dedicated to the people with psoriasis....

No discrimination. They deserve a normal life too....

People who suffers from this disease are battling more in emotion compared to the disease that physically seen on them....
painfully in themselves...

It made them hate themselves so much....crying in silent in their heart...sometimes, is too much to bear until it prolongs suicide for some who could not take it...

So...help them...and stop making them hate themselves....

Grant me a Serenity

When I lose the spirit of fighting at this critical time and rough period....

and alone for a while searching through the dark.....

With no light could be seen ahead the bended path.....

with the only path that is growing darker as I walked....

All I do is to pick myself up and keep on moving....

To weave by picking up the pieces that remain....

and put myself in silent PRAYERS....

and flashing to the words of anticipation...

playing like a silent movie in front of the screen of mind.....

and gradually increasing the volume knob at the sides of amplified mind....
so to keep me strong...
of the uncertain....

so not to be defeated....
by the hailstorm in the heart.....

~Serene~


Another long night and day. I forgotten what is life routine now or don't even have a life to be frank. My sleeping schedule is out. My eating schedule is out. My workout schedule is out. Just because to allocate the time to finish the messy piles of work. I'm so tired and worn out. I don't even have time to take care of myself. Is all mess...mess...I hate the feeling!!!

"痛过，才知道如何保护自己； 哭过，才知道心痛是什么感觉， 傻过，才知道适时的坚持与放弃， 爱过，才知道自己其实很脆弱。 你看得见我打在屏幕上的字，却看不到我掉在键盘上的泪...."

couldn't agree more......no one would understand....for the rest of my life...just want it simple, single...with less complication and heartache....

Patience is Worthwhile for Something Beautiful...

The waiting is worthwhile for something great, cherish-able and beautiful in life. Especially, when you know that everyone is waiting in anticipation right at home for your return. All the moments are priceless although it should be a mere short time interval. At least, even with the short time, the happiness and satisfaction is there to stay and made us realized how important the love ones to us and how they really give an impact to keep us strong. Even in life, waiting for something will motivate people to be more appreciative and realized how important something is, apart from the worth of it. I just can't wait now. Today, there will be a test at 9am but I guess my heart is no longer in Malacca although my body is still here. My heart has gone back earlier...very early perhaps I can say, few weeks back. I just simply miss daddy, mommy, deary jie jie, tai ko ko and seh ko ko sho muchy much. Want to go back and stick under their arms and being spoil and pampered by them. Haha!! For 8 months I have not seen my big bro and 2 months since I last saw my sister. And I can't wait to see my souvenirs from Disneyland Paris. Can't wait to hear stories at home. Can't wait to have dinners and trips with all of them. I just can' wait. Hehe!! For this weekend, I will just put aside all my worries and workloads for a while. Taking some time off. The time spent with family could not be recaptured, that's what I realized. Hence, daddy said we will be celebrating all our birthdays together and of course, mainly I want to celebrate mommy's birthday which falls on 10th October 2010 (10.10.10) this year. For now, I just wanna do my best in the test and then start the journey back with few of my course-mates whom I consider a closed friends of mine now. Indeed, it would be fun and chatty trip back home.....with a double chocolate mille crepe cake sitting on my lap...=D
By the way, the birthday boy Chin Nam on 8th October will be tagging along too...Wish him a Merry Birthday~~!!

"If you love somebody, let them go. If they return, they were always yours. And if they don't, they never were..."

Aku Jiwang

~Only Love~

2am and the rain is falling

Here we are at the crossroads once again

You're telling me you're so confused

You can't make up your mind

Is this meant to be

You're asking me

But only love can stay

Try again or walk away

But i believe for you and me

The sun will shine one day

So i just play my part

Pray you'll have a change of heart

But i can make you see it through

That's something only love can do

In your arms as the dawn is breaking

Face to face and a thousand miles apart

I've tried my best to make you see

There's hope beyond the pain

If we give enough

If we learn to trust

But only love can stay

Try again or walk away

But i believe for you and me

The sun will shine one day

So i just play my part

Pray you'll have a change of heart

But i can make you see it through

That's something only love can do

I know if I could find the words

To touch you deep inside

You'll give my dreams just one more chance

To let this be our last goodbye

But only love can stay

Try again or walk away

But i believe for you and me

The sun will shine one day

So i just play my part

Pray you'll have a change of heart

But i can make you see it through

That's something only love can do

That's something only love can do

Ku sendiri tak faham kenape la aku ni jiwang gilerr. Dulu ingat kan ku jiwang karat. Hanya melihat kekawan berjiwang-jiwang dan emo2 pasal cinta.....Tak pulak disangka aku ni lagi jiwang. Susah jugak ek...hmmm...entah la....dah waktu2 emo ni pulak suke nak layan lagu jiwang2...lagi emo+emo...huhuhu...ku rasa ku boleh boleh teruskan walau diri kini ku sendiri...tiap hari yang ku lalui kini, ku merasakan wajahmu semakin pudar dan suram...memori kite tidak lagi dikenang dan dibiar berlalu bagai bayu yang meniup....dikala keheningan malam membangunkan...kepayahan jiwa meluakan....mambayangkan pahit manis berlalu...entah siapa yang tahu...

ku putuskan, biarlah rahsia...

This Shall Pass Through

This shall pass through. Credit to my dear close friend, Sunshine for this phrase. Whenever we lose grip and lose the fighting spirit, this is the phrase that came and help us survive the years. I knew it will be over and resolve soon. Though, I can't be sure what the future will bring me to. Is a stochastic nature...is unpredictable...uncertain. The only thing that only exist in my mind now is to complete everything in the time frame and look forward to better days. The few weeks have been real rough and lots of downs. Sometimes, I'm afraid...I'm just too afraid. I'm afraid to be lonely. I'm afraid when I seems to be turned away by the entire world. Sometimes, I might have forgotten that the loneliness just make me craves for attention. Nevertheless, I don't want people to judge me that way or misunderstand me. Probably, I'm the one that likes attention. Anyway, I felt tad better after crying over the phone yesterday on how life has been so tough and difficult and at a point I said, I couldn't take it anymore. I've never cried to my parents no matter how tough the life here along the years...I just want them to know that I'm able to take care of myself, being independent and make it through each semesters with flying colors..but I just can't stand it anymore. I'm so fragile now. It felt so good then after, because mommy had assured me to go through it and finish the remaining path no matter what..they are waiting in anticipation. It is the only thing that keeps me strong now...and make me go through the rough days. It cheers me up a lot and got some colors back on my expression...

5.25 A.M @ 011010

What am I doing at this hour? Whoah....should not be asked that way...it should sounds like "What have been done at this hour??" instead!!! I can't really remember how many hours I've awaken till now. The work has drain all my tiredness away. Get my business plan done after editing and nicely place it in the proper format....just can't help but being a perfectionist in writing technical reports. I like how people's first impression when they read a good structured report...thanks to the teaching...and right now, I still have to revise for my project management test in the afternoon which I hardly touched yet...I can't really focused...probably thinking of the loads ahead...and the guilty feelings of not being able to produce any process flow for the lean project today. I dunno how he will react knowing that we've not even found any company to do the project and is going to be the submission in 2 weeks time. Hmm...at a point last night, I was thinking of giving up. In fact a lot of people has already lost their spirit....a lot of them have tears rolling...for as much as the limit that one person one normal soul could take....we're just humans...ordinary humans....but we're given the tonnes like as if it is given to machine or robots to work on. Hmmm...I just can't take it anymore. I'm waiting for things to resolve. I want a break. I want a vacation. I just missed home badly....I'm anticipating to go home...

O yea...September had already end...I just can't believe is so fast....another year is soon gonna be over. With more responsibilities on hand and in life.....

Happy October!!!!