Today in history 505

Decided to randomly stamp something on my bloggie for this historical date 5th of May 2013. Yes. Historical for my country and also it is the day that I am celebrating my 26th birthday. While I have carried out my responsibility as a Malaysia citizen and this time around (and also a first time voter), a so called "indelible" ink is introduced in the 13th general election though many found that the ink can be washed off merely few hours after application. Regardless of that, everything I still believe in Karma.Who is true, who lied, who cheated and whatsoever, eventually will have their days. 

As for my birthday celebration, for safety reason and avoiding to go out on the 5th May night, my Darling Mattheus have came to celebrate with me earlier. Although it is a simple dinner, I've enjoyed the time both of us could spend together. Every hour and minute of us together, I will be appreciating it so much. Blowing the 26th candle have mark a year older for myself and I have too, learned so much and grow matured in thinking though I still got so much more to learn. The most important thing now I got someone who really cares and we both will be walking hand-in-hand to reach the dreams that we have been dreaming of. 

Happy Birthday 

Null Expectations

Expect nothing. Because expectation would only lead to disappointment. Expecting over again again again and again will be of greater disappointment, eventually a closed heart...with the vanishing of the feelings, willingness to try...

A heart that closes its door

How does it feels? Tasteless. Something that is slipping away. Maybe feeling. Feeling that fades away. Maybe fighting spirit. It's all gone, like feeling weak and unwillingness to work on anything. That's the heart that is closing its door.

On the bottom of the wheel...

Dear Bloggie,

It seems so long I didn't have to turn to you to express the feeling of upsets. For this time I just can't help it again. I can feel that my world is very very dark, empty...with no one I could turn to. People around just as realistic and turning away. It is just so sick the feeling. The time around during the month of December has always something that used to meant so much to me. It was once felt the greatest and also once felt the ever so loneliest in this period of year. Sometimes, I just wish to be a norm...to go through normal things, normal life and things could be just, if not smooth, for at least it is pleasant for everyone. It just felt that I've lost the determination to carry on...feeling so sick to even get up and live..this heart is just so tasteless and not going to fight for anything already...

Unbroken Silent

Completed Heart..Defeated Heart...Defeated Heart

It's the kind that doesn't seem likely to die
The kind of pain that cannot be spoken
The kind that rips you apart from the inside
With a silence that cannot be broken
When you look at the things that gave you passion to fight
Now your heart wears the scars like a token
And it hurts to the point that the tears burn your eyes
When you think of how you once hoped and
What you hoped for was never meant to be
If you were never to be mine, why did He bring you to me?
Why did He make me the kind to feel intensely?
When He knew that it would lead to nothing ultimately?
It's the kind that breaks all the ties that you bind
All that cultivated trust - unwoven
It's the kind that makes you paint over the truth with the lies
Fill the gaping holes - your heart looks whole again . . .
3 times shattered - maybe I should have known then
That the fact is that I am undeserving
When he broke my heart first - yes - all the truth was shown then
That my heart would be in constant yearning
For something more than just a ray of light then
A little more to keep that fire burning
I would always be a fool for this thing called love then
When the truth is I could never be that girl
Who could survive a million to be strong for the one
Who could stand up and keep fighting in the face of a blazing gun
The girl who still believes even when she's alone -
Why fight for this feeling when I'd rather be numb?
I have no fight left in me - my faith is now spent
Faded to nothing - spirit can't be woken

The pasts have taught me good lessons. That's why I will always want someone that loves me more. But, it is just so foolish thing to want right?

A Creed to Live by. . .

Don’t undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others,

It is because we are different that each of us is special.

Don’t set your goals by what other people deem important,

Only you know what is best for you.

Don’t take for granted the things closest to your heart

Cling to that as you would your life, for without them life is meaningless.

Don’t let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past or the future.

By living your life one day at a time, you live all the days of your life.

Don’t give up when you still have something to give

Nothing is really over … until the moment you stop trying.

Don’t be afraid to admit that you are less than perfect,

It is the fragile thread that binds us to each other.

Don’t be afraid to encounter risks,

It is by taking chances that we learn how to be brave.

Don’t shut love out of your life by saying it’s impossible to find.

The quickest way to receive love is to give love.

The fastest way to lose love is to hold on too tightly,

And the best way to keep love is to give it wings.

Don’t dismiss your Dreams. To be without dreams is to be without hope.

To be without hope is to be without purpose.

Don’t run through life so fast that you forget where you’ve been,

But also know where you’re going.

Life is not a race, but a journey to be savored every step of the way.

(Anonymous)

Obstacles in the Path

In ancient times, a king had a boulder placed on a roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if anyone would remove the huge rock. Some of the king’s wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by and simply walked around it.

Many loudly blamed the king for not keeping the roads clear, but none did anything about getting the big stone out of the way.

Then came along a peasant carrying a load of vegetables. On approaching the boulder, the peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the stone to the side of the road. After much pushing and straining, he finally succeeded. As the peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed a purse lying in the road where the boulder had been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note from the king indicating that the gold was for the person who removed the boulder from the roadway.

The peasant learned what many others never understand: Every obstacle presents an opportunity.

Every obstacles were a test for you to be a stronger human. Never be afraid of hardship nor constantly complaint. Roll your sleeves, dirty your hands, yield all your energy to perform the responsibilities and everything that comes.....

. . .cont

Darling my love...

Happy Birthday! ! !

The exact one year ago, I still have some vivid memories of how dark and bad things were. Anyway, that was a year ago...things change, people change, undeniably, fate changes. The most important that I have you now to walk through the path with me for the rest of my life, and nothing would change for that I knew you'll never walk away. In fact, you love me deeper and more each day that passes...It is something beyond words that I could describe nor anything replaceble with material or physical thing. Perhaps, is the heart, the attachment and commitment that could be the panacea. This year around, I'm grateful to have you, and how life turns out to be brighter with you by my side ever since. We're still a complete lost soul a year ago and how a stranger of you to me. In whatever that had happened, or whichever things that can't be change in the past, we will just leaved it behind, it doesn't really matter anyway and everything is easy now because I have you here...Wonderful birthday to you and all the best that comes in the coming days and years.

I Love You~~~

=)))

Clean. Satisfied. Responsible fulfilled.

Is Friday once again of the weekly cycle. Pulled myself up early from bed for at the minimum I can get some jobs done. Else, I just felt like a useless stick in this very special semester of studies for just spending the time on nothing other than mere sleeping and idling. Completely waste of time and zero return of revenue. At least, I felt tad better for keeping the space clean and tidy and felt less like a parasite.

"We Are One"


Two very different people
too scared to get along
Till two hearts beat together
underneath one sun...

One very special moment
can turn a destiny...
And what some would say
could never change..
has changed for you and me...

Cause it's all...
It's all in the way
you look through your eyes...
and when all is said and done...
All of the fear and all of the lies are
not hard to overcome...
It's all in the way you look at it
that makes you STRONG...
We were two...
now we are ONE...

We are two very different people
so much to overcome...
So why care for one another
when there's so much to be done...

Cause sometimes it's necessary
just look how far we've come
You could say that
it's the end
or a new TALE has begun...

Cause it's all...
It's all in the way
you look through your eyes
and when all is said and done...
All of the fear
and all of the lies are
not hard to overcome...
It's all in the way you look at it
that makes you STRONG...
We were two
now we are ONE...

One moment in time
is all the time we need...
Just to make a difference
to make it better for you and for me...
If you just BELIEVE...

Just open your eyes...

Cause it's all in the way you
look through your eyes
and when all is said and done...
All of the fear and all of the lies are
not hard to overcome...
It's all in the way you look at it
that makes you STRONG...
We were two
now we are ONE...

I.M.U.V.M

Hustle and bustle of the day makes me worn-out when it comes to the time where I called it a day.....

Completely so tired down with a sore throat which was once described as "a botak tyre" (that's what best described by the physician)....

Maybe I talked too much for the day and it worsen the condition....

Just don't want to fall sick in this important week...

Nevertheless,,,

I knew and You knew I can be strong....

no matter how tired, how sick...

coz..

I have you now...

to be there, along the path, in every step...

I.M.U.V.M.....

Now that I found it in YoU

~When You Tell Me that You Love Me~

I wanna call the stars
Down from the sky
I wanna live a day
That never dies
I wanna change the world
Only for you
All the impossible
I wanna do

I wanna hold you close
Under the rain
I wanna kiss your smile
And feel the pain
I know what's beautiful
Looking at you
In a world of lies
You are the truth

And baby
Everytime you touch me
I become a hero
I'll make you safe
No matter where you are
And bring you
Everything you ask for
Nothing is above me
I'm shining like a candle in the dark
When you tell me that you love me

I wanna make you see
Just what I was
Show you the loneliness
And what it does
You walked into my life
To stop my tears
Everything's easy now
I have you here

And baby
Everytime you touch me
I become a hero
I'll make you safe
No matter where you are
And bring you
Everything you ask for
Nothing is above me
I'm shining like a candle in the dark
When you tell me that you love me

In a world without you
I would always hunger
All I need is your love to make me STRONGER

And baby
Everytime you touch me
I become a hero
I'll make you safe
No matter where you are
And bring you
Everything you ask for
Nothing is above me
I'm shining like a candle in the dark
When you tell me that you love me

You love me
When you tell me that you love me

How I thought that the courage is almost all gone...but it never...
As time goes by, unintentionally, it heals...so much...
And it was built step by step...slowly....
I can be strong...
and anything can be done for you...hope is the same for you too...

Now this song brought a whole new feeling for me..deep inside....
And whenever I felt like giving up, this song would keep me strong...in everything~~
Hope the same for you...whenever you feel weak, remember this song....and keep yourself strong...anything is possible with a love that keep you strong...

"In the world without you.....I will always hunger....all I need is your LOVE to make me STRONGER"

Today this year~~

It resolves....
with a full new hope and positive energy...
will make it stronger with the million paths ahead to crossed...

and chapters to be written....

couldn't be more grateful this year...

~The Accumulation~

Whenever tears shed...
I told myself to dry the tears...
Be strong and moved on...

"Is ok to cry...but dry the tears then after and be tough....you are different...you can be independent just like you always did..and go! get it going and fly high"

Each tears shed...means an immunity gained for myself...
It means stronger immune for myself...

I'll survive....

:'''((

Sob...sob...sob..sob....sob...sob...
Sad....
What to do??

Poor bloggie...

You are victimized again...for the scribbling....

Calm...Serene...Calm Down

I'm just an ordinary human. Dislike judgement.
I am under pressure because I was pressured for expectations.
but expectations hurt sometimes...when I can't meet it....
I'm just a normal human...a normal human that need guidance...need to climb step by step..
as not to hurt so much from small falls...
I need to calm down...calm down..calm down...calm down...calm down....

A reminder to me:

(1) FYP
(2) PPC
- Quiz 2
- Test 2

- Case Study 2

- Project
(3) F.P
- Project (Chap 4, f.editing)

- Test 2
- Assignment

(4) M.S
- Conclusion Case Study
- Chapter 9,10 summary
- Chapter 8 key point

(5) CADCAM

- Project (intro), Mac, P.P

~~~~~Pray pray it will be smooth smooth~~~~~

Owned = Not Owned....that is not an equation at all....

Being most of the time..emotional...these few days...
I'm just no one..no one....who am I??
Who am I to bring influence to anyone's life...
I don't worth anything....
I don't deserve any attention....

Probably the disappointment from the past still playing in mind...
I don't want deja vu(s)...
I'm afraid....so afraid....
Feeling that I'm nobody nor anyone to anyone....

I can't feel it.....I can't...
The reassurance that I need...

To make me feel the confidence again.....

Being sensitive in the details that sometimes I don't want to express...
Probably is my biggest mistake..or weakness for expecting a person to read my mind and the details....

Gone through too much.....
I just want to be protected
safely and soundly even more....

~Every Mile Will be Worthwhile~

We were given:

Two hands to hold.
Two legs to walk.
Two eyes to see.
Two ears to listen.
But why only one heart?
Because the other was given to someone else.

For us to find....

Please Give Me the Strength to Carry On

I'm tired...very tired...I can't take it anymore....

White flags and giving up don't worth anything after all the years....and coming so far in every steps...every steps taken, were not easy....everything came through the hard way....with the stains of blood and sweat...yet each time, everything resolves....

I hope I can get through it....this time around....

.....Silent Prayers......