Because I knew.....

Today two years ago....

I once knew that...
Loving a person....
is about treasuring all the time spent together....despite the distance...
is about remembering every single words and the day meeting each other...and every event that happened...
is about trying to make them happy with lovely surprises...
is about bringing out the best and keeping each other strong all the time....
is about the trust and attachment...
and being there next to them the next second when they have problems and needed each others....


and I really do love you so deeply...for whatever I give out...was for the best of you...for that you felt deeply for me too...never before this..and I knew you sincerely meant it...
and for every word I said...truly I mean it...
and for every saying, I keep it as a note to treasure....so I'll remember..
and for the worries, that sometimes, left bottled up in yourself...felt I'm no one to you...to share with...
and how I always wished that you cajoled me, be there when I need you the most, when I said "leaved me alone" but you never did most of the time....
and for everything that slipped off your mind, disappointing me, I just forget about it...giving in once again...

BUT...


Today one year ago...

Loving a person....
is not about not willing to share the burden and failures...
is not about asking for some time off....

BUT...

is about sharing the ups and downs together...
is about going through the tough period together...
but you never allowed me too....
perhaps, I'm sulking too much?
and can't really understand you situation at edge?

and I'm sorry for trying to REMIND myself to FORGET...all the memories...
for that you asked me not to...
I'm sorry for letting go...and for breaking the feelings and shunned myself up....

because I knew, nothing going to be the same again....nothing...


Today this year...

Letting go and forgetting is the hardest thing....is still bleeding profusely...
It is the cold nights, the emptiness and the loneliness for losing something from your hand...and side...
There is no shoulders to lean on...no warm hugs...and no anticipation of waiting for the weekends for all these.....
Is like no other person closer...for it gives a big empty hole besides...now...

and today this year, nothing's gonna be the same...because I will never love like I never love before....
I will not be such a fool, remembering so many details....words, promises....
unless, if someday, someone, could just give me more and makes me felt much much more deeper....
someone that pours in more...to mend things that go wrong.....not just words said but empty...

hope all the things would be slipping from the memory one by one...
and I guess, is partially gone now...
My heart have to be strong...and tough...because I don't want to give in once again...
Needed my heart back...I'm taking it back under my own care...nurturing it to be stronger, healthier with normal beats...

~~~~~~~~Goodbye~~~~~~~