I'm a thief....

Poor bloggie...I abandoned it again for the past few months. Anyway, I'm back to Malacca, studying life and it proved to be ever ever more taxing than expected after 8 months of non-study life. While, for the past few months of semester break, I've been worrying a lot mainly on FYP and till now, I'm still worrying a lot. Things were not as smooth and it was, and always that way for me. And I'm a thief because I procrastinate a lot. Is so hard for me to focus on anything now. Probably is the 720 degrees change that happened in my life. I could no longer hope for anything now. And letting go and forgetting is even harder when getting back into the life in Malacca. The emptiness is felt greatly along with the memories that flashes through. I know I can make it through...I can...Right now, I have to realize what are the priorities in my life and what should be coming top in the list. Though, sometimes, I still wish there would be someone there to motivate and support and give me the strongest of all strengths that I used to have once. Thinking about it made me felt emotional and missing the days I once had in the past. Everyone told me to forget about the past and move on. I know. I will. I'm doing. Nevertheless, once a while I still subconsciously think of it and ask myself why does this have to happen to me? I hate him so much. I hate him for making my life miserable. I hate him for bringing me up to the 30 floors of a building and eventually leaved me there alone without any alternatives to come back down. The only alternative that is, I jumped and fell and hurt badly from the fall. I hate empty promises. Why promise for a willingness to work hard to mend things when eventually you are not going to fulfill? Is like you throw a dart into my heart and this whole life I won't be able to patch back the hole caused by it. I know is not worth for me to feel emotional anymore for a person that treat me that way. But is too deep. No one would understand. Sometimes, I wonder if I'd lie to myself and just wearing a smile in the public. Hmm...guess..I have to really moved on. Is not worth. By the way, life is really hectic in Malacca. Is busy but I still did enjoy it very much. Probably singing and eating is still the way to express all the anger, stress, emotion...yada yada yada. Broken my own record with the numerous visits to Dreambox. According to my friends, better treasure and enjoy it to fullest as you'll never get this opportunity anymore. Studies...well...is kinda hard for me in fact most of us to stay focus. There are so many work...so may projects...so many tests....apart from attending lectures and labs. I've even neglected my FYP for other subjects and I hope it should be ok...but I have to help myself and start somewhere to get the ball rolling. Time won't wait and the rude awakening is that, without realizing, half a semester has gone. I felt like a heated earthworm when I return to Malacca after semester break..Anyway, everyone at home was doing okay..Mom has gain a few kilos extra and healthier now. No complain of feeling not well and no more visiting specialist anymore. Just that she is having joint pain in the leg. Same goes to dad. Going out with mom in the morning for a walk in the park with his new dream car. He even found new interests from flying kite in the park, playing with a control helicopter to catching fishes in the park. Really happy to see them enjoying their good old days. They're always the inspiration to me.

Learn to laugh...to live and to love.....
A fall could made us grow and be a better man....